The Relationship Kaleidoscope, 01 10 2025
As a child I was fascinated by kaleidoscope. Growing up I can see kaleidoscopes in most social situations, larger the group, more intricate the design. In kaleidoscopes you need to rotate the device to get different views, but in social groups you only need to meet different people to see a completely different pattern though their eyes and get a totally different picture.
Kaleidoscopes play with the seven colors, and in social groups you get four distinct types of people: the shirkers, the submitters, the dominant and the commanders. Despite the nature of the gathering, be it family, social, religious, business or politics, if the group is large enough you can see all the four groups in action.
Shirkers are the one who are forced to participate in the group. Being non-voluntary participants, they have no reason for excitement, nor any interest in the happenings. Many youths we see in religious or social events tagging along with their parents representing this group. In current times, with smart phones, wireless connectivity and earphones, the shirkers physically make up the number, even as they “live” psychologically elsewhere.
Submitters have a keen interest to participate in the event with a desired objective to achieve but may believe that they have nothing concrete to offer. They are the most malleable section of the group. Looking to see who can meet their needs, they are on lookout for opportunities where they assist or be helpful. Think of the sales executives in a marketing conference or social event, hunting for prospective clients, like butterflies they hop from group to group in search of nectar, ever helpful, but the extent of their exertion depending on their assessment of the prospects potential value.
Dominant participants in contrast have something to offer to the group but believe that they have nothing to gain in return. Their participation has all the signs of an obligation being fulfilled. You only need to visualize a Chief Guest at an event or an individual participating in an event they see as below their “standard”. These are shirkers with a difference, for they contribute only if they want. They are often the targets for submitters who are on lookout for potential prospects. This is a mutually beneficial game, where the dominant participants need for importance is met, even as the submitters have their goal in sight.
Commanders are by nature fewer in number for they can both contribute and see their goals being realized though the group activity. Organizers of all events fall in this category. Be it a wedding, a marketing conference, a political rally or a musical concert, they are distinguished by their high energy, high activity levels. With a primary stake in the successful staging of the event, they have little regard to their personal need as they go about with vigor to achieve the group goals.
As individuals, we play all the four roles depending on the nature of group and the extent of our participation. Within a month I have often seen myself in all the four roles. Awareness of these distinct roles helped me appreciate them for what they bring to the group and appreciate their value in any group activity. What is your experience? Is there any one role that you predominantly take?
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